the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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