this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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