It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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