cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
