Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She bit a glass in half.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
