The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
