Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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