I'm really into asian looking animals
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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