I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
