Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
love makes seman taste better
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
