Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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