i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
