it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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