well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
