Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
