Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
