that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
