I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
