I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
