I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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