i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
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Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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