he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Damn victory sex feels great
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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