last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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