Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You are the jesus of drinking
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
