He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
