Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
