I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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