I just made out with a guy for $7.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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