does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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