I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
try to milk me bitch
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