i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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