Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
