this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
