I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just found puke in my bra..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
