My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
