All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
