Pregnant stripper...not hot.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
