dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
