Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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