I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
