She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Your cock deserves a montage
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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