How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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