I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize