there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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