We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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