Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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