I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
