My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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