i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
