hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
