She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
