Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
