i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize