Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
