I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
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I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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