Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it's like iHOP with fire
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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