The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So much rum. So many feels.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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