I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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