dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
