Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
