My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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