Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
