Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
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Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.