I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I can text with my tongue
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
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Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?