I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...