whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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