I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
