On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
